Today has been a hard day. It was Braeden's first day back at school. I put a pin on Braeden's backpack of a butterfly that was given to us in remembrance of Ambrosia so he'd know his sister was always with him. On the way to school, I lost it. I kept thinking of how Ambrosia should have been there with us. No matter that she wouldn't have been going to school, she should have been there with us in our family unit seeing her big brother off on his first day back. I just want to shout how unfair it is at the top of my lungs.
After dropping him off at school, we went back home. Wes got ready for work and I sat around until he left. I was determined to clean the entire house and finish mowing the yard, as our mower had quit in the middle of mowing the other day. These things would definitely keep me busy and distracted. That didn't exactly go as planned. I struggled to get started cleaning. I felt myself being distracted a lot by thoughts of Ambrosia. I managed to get the house clean, but the lawn will have to wait until tomorrow.
After struggling to get the house clean all day, it was finally time to leave and get Braeden. Once he was in the car I asked him how his first day went and we went to McDonald's so he could play and get some of his energy out. While Braeden was busy playing, I noticed a mom come in with a Moby wrap on and a baby in it. I immediately had memories of Ambrosia and carrying her in my Moby wrap from 3 weeks old and up until she passed away. Tears were imminent no matter how hard I tried to hold them in. I sat there and cried and wiped away tears as they came, hoping I wasn't attracting too much attention in the corner.
Pictures of me and Ambrosia with the Moby wrap:
After dropping him off at school, we went back home. Wes got ready for work and I sat around until he left. I was determined to clean the entire house and finish mowing the yard, as our mower had quit in the middle of mowing the other day. These things would definitely keep me busy and distracted. That didn't exactly go as planned. I struggled to get started cleaning. I felt myself being distracted a lot by thoughts of Ambrosia. I managed to get the house clean, but the lawn will have to wait until tomorrow.
After struggling to get the house clean all day, it was finally time to leave and get Braeden. Once he was in the car I asked him how his first day went and we went to McDonald's so he could play and get some of his energy out. While Braeden was busy playing, I noticed a mom come in with a Moby wrap on and a baby in it. I immediately had memories of Ambrosia and carrying her in my Moby wrap from 3 weeks old and up until she passed away. Tears were imminent no matter how hard I tried to hold them in. I sat there and cried and wiped away tears as they came, hoping I wasn't attracting too much attention in the corner.
Pictures of me and Ambrosia with the Moby wrap:
Ambrosia at 2 months old on the train at the St. Louis Zoo.
St. Louis Arch Summer 2012
I am thankful that this week the Grief Connection groups meet. Thursday will mark 2 months since Ambrosia passed and it is also the night of the meeting. It will be the first time I will attend the group for parents who have lost a child. Last time was a newcomer's group where I filled out paperwork and told about my loss so they would know which group to place me in. I feel like I definitely need it and hope it helps get some of these pent up emotions out.
Onto happier things....
A woman who knows my dad from his work has offered to sell jewelry, that she makes while going through cancer treatments herself, to help raise funds for the CureSearch Walk for pediatric cancer research! I am so touched to now have two perfect strangers to me think of ways to honor Ambrosia and help raise money for a good cause. She has made a couple of earrings named after Ambrosia, with purple in them of course, to sell along with other handmade jewelry. Here are the pictures of the Ambrosia earrings:
Onto happier things....
A woman who knows my dad from his work has offered to sell jewelry, that she makes while going through cancer treatments herself, to help raise funds for the CureSearch Walk for pediatric cancer research! I am so touched to now have two perfect strangers to me think of ways to honor Ambrosia and help raise money for a good cause. She has made a couple of earrings named after Ambrosia, with purple in them of course, to sell along with other handmade jewelry. Here are the pictures of the Ambrosia earrings:
I love the earrings she has made to honor Ambrosia and all the other jewelry she has made too! 40% of the cost of every item will go to the CureSearch Walk! She is donating her time for free in making these items and only wanting reimbursement for the cost of the beads and materials. This is a great way for us to help raise money for the walk and you get some beautiful jewelry too! Please check out all the jewelry she has listed on her Etsy shop at this link: http://www.etsy.com/shop/bluegrassbeads?ref=l2-shopheader-name
More jewelry will be added throughout the sale, which runs from now until September 2nd. Please take a look!
Also, you can still purchase bows to help benefit the CureSearch Walk. Please email [email protected] with your information and how many bows you'd like to order. It's $5 a bow with anything over the $5 amount going towards the CureSearch Walk.
Thanks for everyone's continued support, thoughts and prayers! They mean the world to us.
Also, you can still purchase bows to help benefit the CureSearch Walk. Please email [email protected] with your information and how many bows you'd like to order. It's $5 a bow with anything over the $5 amount going towards the CureSearch Walk.
Thanks for everyone's continued support, thoughts and prayers! They mean the world to us.
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