It's been too long since I posted an entry. I don't have a good excuse as to why. Things are slowing down around here and I suppose that's a good thing. Since I last wrote we've had a few holidays. Thanksgiving was spent with family of course. Nothing unusual to report. I don't remember getting emotional like I thought I might.
Then came Christmas. I have to admit as it got closer the harder it was to understand that Ambrosia wasn't going to be here to celebrate with us all. I can only imagine the delight on her face and squeals she would have made at ripping paper off of presents. I think that would have been fun for her, as it usually is for children the age she would have been. December 22nd marked 6 months since Ambrosia passed. I can't believe it's been 6 months. Feels like it was just yesterday at times.
New Years Eve was also spent with family, as we celebrate Christmas together with one side of my family then. It's always nice to be surrounded by a lot of people that care for you. My grandmother let me borrow a couple of books to read. One is by a doctor who died and ultimately was told it wasn't her time and came back to share her experience. It was a pretty insightful book and comforting at the same time.
There are moments of despair here and there, but most of the time we are all coping well with our grief. Braeden occasionally mentions us having another baby girl and naming her Ambrosia. He has mentioned this more than once since she passed. The last time he did I told him even if we had another baby girl we wouldn't name her Ambrosia. He said he wanted us to have another baby girl and name her Ambrosia so I wouldn't have to cry anymore. I told him that mommy would still be sad even if we had another baby girl, because she wouldn't be Ambrosia.
The other night out of the blue Braeden wrote a letter to his sister. I didn't ask him to and was surprised when I looked over and realized what he was doing. Every once in awhile he would ask me how to spell something. He didn't want me to see it until he was done. He wants to take it to her grave, but after posting it on Ambrosia's Facebook page someone suggested putting it in a balloon and releasing it. I asked Braeden if he'd like to do that and he said yes. In a few days we will do just that. I will try to take pictures.
A few weeks ago, while on our way to pick Braeden up from school, my husband's playlist started playing the song Gone Too Soon by Daughtry. That song was used in our memorial video to Ambrosia. As soon as it started playing my husband remarked that he could almost listen to it now without crying. It was then that I realized what song it was and immediately burst into tears. I love the song, but I'm not sure I will ever be able to listen to it and not cry. It's a perfect song and I have tried tweeting Chris Daughtry to tell him how much I love it and appreciate it, but have yet to receive a response.
I suppose there will always be triggers that cause us to cry at different times. It's something I am still getting used to and accepting. Today in the mail I received a letter from the Children's Hospital Foundation telling us that a donation had been made in memory of Ambrosia and was being designated to the Addison Jo Blair Cancer Care Center. A friend made this donation and has been thanked for making me cry. I truly appreciate thoughtfulness like this in Ambrosia's name that will make a difference in another family being affected by cancer.
Soon I will be applying for jobs. For some reason this is causing some major anxiety issues for me. I am not sure if it's because it's one more thing to make me realize Ambrosia is gone or just general anxiety about having to find a job after 2 years of none. Whatever the case it is also causing tears at even the thought of going on an interview.
I am working to get ready for a committee rally for the 2014 Louisville CureSearch Walk that is taking place on January 23 at 6:30 pm at the Tumbleweed restaurant on the riverfront. This is an event that is open to the public, so if you are local to the area please consider coming to learn about some volunteer opportunities! We want this year's walk to be successful, especially because our city has the walk on National Childhood Cancer Awareness Day! September 13th! If you can't come but want more information visit www.curesearchwalk.org/louisville then click on Event Info and then Volunteer. It lists all the volunteer opportunities for the walk. Also share with your friends on Facebook, Twitter and other social media!
Then came Christmas. I have to admit as it got closer the harder it was to understand that Ambrosia wasn't going to be here to celebrate with us all. I can only imagine the delight on her face and squeals she would have made at ripping paper off of presents. I think that would have been fun for her, as it usually is for children the age she would have been. December 22nd marked 6 months since Ambrosia passed. I can't believe it's been 6 months. Feels like it was just yesterday at times.
New Years Eve was also spent with family, as we celebrate Christmas together with one side of my family then. It's always nice to be surrounded by a lot of people that care for you. My grandmother let me borrow a couple of books to read. One is by a doctor who died and ultimately was told it wasn't her time and came back to share her experience. It was a pretty insightful book and comforting at the same time.
There are moments of despair here and there, but most of the time we are all coping well with our grief. Braeden occasionally mentions us having another baby girl and naming her Ambrosia. He has mentioned this more than once since she passed. The last time he did I told him even if we had another baby girl we wouldn't name her Ambrosia. He said he wanted us to have another baby girl and name her Ambrosia so I wouldn't have to cry anymore. I told him that mommy would still be sad even if we had another baby girl, because she wouldn't be Ambrosia.
The other night out of the blue Braeden wrote a letter to his sister. I didn't ask him to and was surprised when I looked over and realized what he was doing. Every once in awhile he would ask me how to spell something. He didn't want me to see it until he was done. He wants to take it to her grave, but after posting it on Ambrosia's Facebook page someone suggested putting it in a balloon and releasing it. I asked Braeden if he'd like to do that and he said yes. In a few days we will do just that. I will try to take pictures.
A few weeks ago, while on our way to pick Braeden up from school, my husband's playlist started playing the song Gone Too Soon by Daughtry. That song was used in our memorial video to Ambrosia. As soon as it started playing my husband remarked that he could almost listen to it now without crying. It was then that I realized what song it was and immediately burst into tears. I love the song, but I'm not sure I will ever be able to listen to it and not cry. It's a perfect song and I have tried tweeting Chris Daughtry to tell him how much I love it and appreciate it, but have yet to receive a response.
I suppose there will always be triggers that cause us to cry at different times. It's something I am still getting used to and accepting. Today in the mail I received a letter from the Children's Hospital Foundation telling us that a donation had been made in memory of Ambrosia and was being designated to the Addison Jo Blair Cancer Care Center. A friend made this donation and has been thanked for making me cry. I truly appreciate thoughtfulness like this in Ambrosia's name that will make a difference in another family being affected by cancer.
Soon I will be applying for jobs. For some reason this is causing some major anxiety issues for me. I am not sure if it's because it's one more thing to make me realize Ambrosia is gone or just general anxiety about having to find a job after 2 years of none. Whatever the case it is also causing tears at even the thought of going on an interview.
I am working to get ready for a committee rally for the 2014 Louisville CureSearch Walk that is taking place on January 23 at 6:30 pm at the Tumbleweed restaurant on the riverfront. This is an event that is open to the public, so if you are local to the area please consider coming to learn about some volunteer opportunities! We want this year's walk to be successful, especially because our city has the walk on National Childhood Cancer Awareness Day! September 13th! If you can't come but want more information visit www.curesearchwalk.org/louisville then click on Event Info and then Volunteer. It lists all the volunteer opportunities for the walk. Also share with your friends on Facebook, Twitter and other social media!
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