Thursday last week was a big day for a lot of reasons. First, as I mentioned in the last entry, was the Grief Connection group. Braeden and I arrived and ate dinner with the other group members. Then we broke up in to our respective groups. This night there was only two of us in the parents who have lost a child group. It was the first time for both of us in the group. Our facilitator was the chaplain at 7West for several years. It was a very hard process to go through. Talking about Ambrosia through tears and sharing about her. It's not a normal thing for a parent to have to go through. I should be sharing stories about things she's doing now, not things she did in the past. The other mom and I had a lot of similarities as far as where we are in our grieving process. It was nice to be able to get a lot of the emotions I was probably holding back up until that point out. And while I don't think I will feel "normal" for quite some time, I definitely felt better afterwards.
The other reason Thursday was a big day is that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She will actually be having surgery tomorrow and they will also find out if it has spread or not. Thankfully, because of all the funding breast cancer receives, her kind of cancer is treatable and curable. I am grateful for all of the attention breast cancer receives as it has helped survival rates immensely. I only wish that children's cancer was given the same attention and maybe then Ambrosia would have survived because of great funding and research. My mission now is to help bring more awareness and have children's cancer research and funding be as big as breast cancer or other adult cancers.
While I know my mom will be okay, she will still have to go through chemotherapy. I worry how Braeden will react to it. We told him after Ambrosia passed that she had cancer. That sometimes doctors can fix it and sometimes they can't. I don't want him to worry about his grammy. If an issue comes up we will address it and hopefully put it in terms a 6 year old can understand.
My husband has been grieving in his own way. To the point where it has started to affect him physically. He was certain he was having heart issues. Scaring himself by looking at symptoms. A day or so later, he realized that it's really anxiety. We both have been taking steps towards taking better care of ourselves by joining the Y. It's a way to bond and help work our grief out physically through exercise. I hope we can continue down this road not only to help our grief but our health as well.
Tonight was SibStars at the hospital along with the Mom's dinner. I asked Braeden if he wanted to go and he did. I was a little nervous about being back at the hospital since it was the first time we've been there since Ambrosia passed. I dropped Braeden off at his SibStars meeting and headed to the Mom's dinner. Slowly some of the mom's trickled in and a few of them I knew from previous meetings. It was nice to sit and talk about our children, our experiences going through treatments and caring for our kids. I didn't shed a tear until after the meeting when I went to say hi to the nurses on duty. I got a couple of hugs and so did Braeden. I was told I had to wait for one nurse in particular or she'd be upset that she missed me. We waited for her to be done with her patient. When she came out, she hugged me and told me how strong I was being. That's when the tears came. She follows Ambrosia's Facebook page so she knows what we've been up to since Ambrosia passed. It was nice to be recognized for all I am trying to do in helping to bring childhood cancer awareness and research to the forefront. I hope to do more and more as time goes on and my healing continues.
I got a packet today with posters and pamphlets for the CureSearch Walk. My mission the next couple of days will be figuring out places I can hang posters and set out the pamphlets. Suggestions are welcome!
The Etsy shop sale is still going on through September 2nd with 40% of the cost going to the CureSearch Walk. New items have been added so please check it out!
Thank you for your continued support!
*I actually just remembered something that I was going to write about. I took Braeden to McDonald's after school earlier this week so he could play. While there we ran into a girl from his kindergarten class and her grandmother. We had attended this girl's birthday party earlier this year at Chuck E Cheese. Of course Ambrosia was with us and at the time the grandmother came over and asked us about her. Once she realized she remembered me she asked how my baby was doing. I had to tell her that Ambrosia had passed. She of course said she was sorry, but then she asked if we were going to have another baby. I was a little taken aback by the question, especially from a perfect stranger. So I wanted to address this here in case people were wondering. There is absolutely no reason Wes and I could not have another baby. There is nothing medically at this point preventing us from doing so. However, we have decided to wait at least a year before making any decisions regarding whether we will have another baby. We need to let ourselves grieve for our loss and not try to fill holes in our hearts too soon, as that wouldn't be fair to a baby. Ambrosia can't ever be replaced but we may (or may not) be ready again one day.
The other reason Thursday was a big day is that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She will actually be having surgery tomorrow and they will also find out if it has spread or not. Thankfully, because of all the funding breast cancer receives, her kind of cancer is treatable and curable. I am grateful for all of the attention breast cancer receives as it has helped survival rates immensely. I only wish that children's cancer was given the same attention and maybe then Ambrosia would have survived because of great funding and research. My mission now is to help bring more awareness and have children's cancer research and funding be as big as breast cancer or other adult cancers.
While I know my mom will be okay, she will still have to go through chemotherapy. I worry how Braeden will react to it. We told him after Ambrosia passed that she had cancer. That sometimes doctors can fix it and sometimes they can't. I don't want him to worry about his grammy. If an issue comes up we will address it and hopefully put it in terms a 6 year old can understand.
My husband has been grieving in his own way. To the point where it has started to affect him physically. He was certain he was having heart issues. Scaring himself by looking at symptoms. A day or so later, he realized that it's really anxiety. We both have been taking steps towards taking better care of ourselves by joining the Y. It's a way to bond and help work our grief out physically through exercise. I hope we can continue down this road not only to help our grief but our health as well.
Tonight was SibStars at the hospital along with the Mom's dinner. I asked Braeden if he wanted to go and he did. I was a little nervous about being back at the hospital since it was the first time we've been there since Ambrosia passed. I dropped Braeden off at his SibStars meeting and headed to the Mom's dinner. Slowly some of the mom's trickled in and a few of them I knew from previous meetings. It was nice to sit and talk about our children, our experiences going through treatments and caring for our kids. I didn't shed a tear until after the meeting when I went to say hi to the nurses on duty. I got a couple of hugs and so did Braeden. I was told I had to wait for one nurse in particular or she'd be upset that she missed me. We waited for her to be done with her patient. When she came out, she hugged me and told me how strong I was being. That's when the tears came. She follows Ambrosia's Facebook page so she knows what we've been up to since Ambrosia passed. It was nice to be recognized for all I am trying to do in helping to bring childhood cancer awareness and research to the forefront. I hope to do more and more as time goes on and my healing continues.
I got a packet today with posters and pamphlets for the CureSearch Walk. My mission the next couple of days will be figuring out places I can hang posters and set out the pamphlets. Suggestions are welcome!
The Etsy shop sale is still going on through September 2nd with 40% of the cost going to the CureSearch Walk. New items have been added so please check it out!
Thank you for your continued support!
*I actually just remembered something that I was going to write about. I took Braeden to McDonald's after school earlier this week so he could play. While there we ran into a girl from his kindergarten class and her grandmother. We had attended this girl's birthday party earlier this year at Chuck E Cheese. Of course Ambrosia was with us and at the time the grandmother came over and asked us about her. Once she realized she remembered me she asked how my baby was doing. I had to tell her that Ambrosia had passed. She of course said she was sorry, but then she asked if we were going to have another baby. I was a little taken aback by the question, especially from a perfect stranger. So I wanted to address this here in case people were wondering. There is absolutely no reason Wes and I could not have another baby. There is nothing medically at this point preventing us from doing so. However, we have decided to wait at least a year before making any decisions regarding whether we will have another baby. We need to let ourselves grieve for our loss and not try to fill holes in our hearts too soon, as that wouldn't be fair to a baby. Ambrosia can't ever be replaced but we may (or may not) be ready again one day.
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