On October 6th, our house flooded from a flash flood in our area. There was close to 2 feet of water throughout our entire house as we are on a concrete slab, so no basement or crawl space for the water to go in first. This happened just 5 days before we were to leave for Camp Evergreen. In the midst of all the chaos, not once did Wes and I question whether we would still go to the camp. We knew we needed to, for ourselves and for Braeden.
With cleanup happening at our house, on Friday October 11th we headed to Leitchfield, KY to camp Loucon where we would be staying for the next 3 days. I had been to this campsite as a teenager for a Christian music festival called NewSong, but hadn't been back since. We were told before going to the camp that there would be little to no cell phone reception while we were there, and they weren't kidding! It was nice though to put the every day worries away and do what we were there to do.
We got to the camp a little early, but we were greeted by our Family Support Volunteer from Hosparus. Her name is Ruthie and I had talked to her a little before camp as she had been paired with me before and after Ambrosia passed to talk to if I needed anything as she had lost a child herself. After unpacking our car and getting settled in our room, we went upstairs and ate some pizza while waiting for the other families to arrive. Once everyone had arrived, they opened up a space called the Healing Space. Here we set up things that were Ambrosia's or reminded us of her to share with everyone. Fortunately all of Ambrosia's things were spared from the flood at our house so I was able to bring things to set up in our space. Below is what we brought:
With cleanup happening at our house, on Friday October 11th we headed to Leitchfield, KY to camp Loucon where we would be staying for the next 3 days. I had been to this campsite as a teenager for a Christian music festival called NewSong, but hadn't been back since. We were told before going to the camp that there would be little to no cell phone reception while we were there, and they weren't kidding! It was nice though to put the every day worries away and do what we were there to do.
We got to the camp a little early, but we were greeted by our Family Support Volunteer from Hosparus. Her name is Ruthie and I had talked to her a little before camp as she had been paired with me before and after Ambrosia passed to talk to if I needed anything as she had lost a child herself. After unpacking our car and getting settled in our room, we went upstairs and ate some pizza while waiting for the other families to arrive. Once everyone had arrived, they opened up a space called the Healing Space. Here we set up things that were Ambrosia's or reminded us of her to share with everyone. Fortunately all of Ambrosia's things were spared from the flood at our house so I was able to bring things to set up in our space. Below is what we brought:
After everyone set up their healing space, we all wrote on a huge poster about the loved one we lost. Things like their favorite food, hobbies, even something we didn't like about them. After doing that we shared it with the entire group. Wes had to read our poster as I didn't think I could do it. Again having to say out loud to people that she was gone is hard. The next thing we did was split into groups. The younger kids were one group, a large group of teens, and then the adults were all separated. There we shared a little more about our loss and what we've been going through.
On Saturday, after breakfast we split into our groups again. Braeden made a pillow with pictures of him and Ambrosia with the help of Ruthie. I didn't get to see his pillow until later that day, but I was so proud of him and what he did. Here is his pillow:
On Saturday, after breakfast we split into our groups again. Braeden made a pillow with pictures of him and Ambrosia with the help of Ruthie. I didn't get to see his pillow until later that day, but I was so proud of him and what he did. Here is his pillow:
On one side it says, I love my sister Ambrosia. On the other is says Love Big brother Braeden. He did a wonderful job, and he knows it too!
While Braeden was making his pillow, the adults were in a group again. We were drawing pictures of what things were like now and how we would like them to be. I couldn't think of what to draw. All I could think was that what I wanted was for Ambrosia to be here with us. That's what I want. It's not possible, but it was all I could think of. In the end I didn't draw anything. Everyone shared their drawing and the only other person there who lost a child had drawn what I wanted. For her son to be here. I was glad I wasn't the only one thinking the impossible.
After our group session, everyone met back up to do a low ropes course. They split us into two groups. Our group went to a course called Whale watching. There was a platform that had a log angled underneath it. The rules were that once you were on the platform or "boat" you couldn't talk. You had to stay away from the green line around the perimeter or you might fall into the "ocean". We all had to get on it and balance it then see how long we could hold it still. It was a little chaotic at first, but once everyone but three of us sat down and were quiet, we were able to balance it for 10 minutes. We could have gone longer but those of standing were getting foot cramps holding still without being able to shift our weight.
The next activity on the low ropes course was blindfolding one of us and having another person give you directions as to where they were being leaded. Wes was blindfolded and guided by Ruthie. Braeden was blindfolded and guided by me. Here are pictures I took while I wasn't blindfolded:
While Braeden was making his pillow, the adults were in a group again. We were drawing pictures of what things were like now and how we would like them to be. I couldn't think of what to draw. All I could think was that what I wanted was for Ambrosia to be here with us. That's what I want. It's not possible, but it was all I could think of. In the end I didn't draw anything. Everyone shared their drawing and the only other person there who lost a child had drawn what I wanted. For her son to be here. I was glad I wasn't the only one thinking the impossible.
After our group session, everyone met back up to do a low ropes course. They split us into two groups. Our group went to a course called Whale watching. There was a platform that had a log angled underneath it. The rules were that once you were on the platform or "boat" you couldn't talk. You had to stay away from the green line around the perimeter or you might fall into the "ocean". We all had to get on it and balance it then see how long we could hold it still. It was a little chaotic at first, but once everyone but three of us sat down and were quiet, we were able to balance it for 10 minutes. We could have gone longer but those of standing were getting foot cramps holding still without being able to shift our weight.
The next activity on the low ropes course was blindfolding one of us and having another person give you directions as to where they were being leaded. Wes was blindfolded and guided by Ruthie. Braeden was blindfolded and guided by me. Here are pictures I took while I wasn't blindfolded:
They had us do some silly stuff while we were blindfolded, like hug a sign, which you see Wes doing in the picture above! After the first people were blindfolded, it was time for the other person to be blindfolded. I reluctantly became blindfolded and guided by Braeden. I wasn't sure he could do it, but he did pretty good with the help of another volunteer.
The next low ropes course was a maze. They made us all get blindfolded this time and put our hands on the shoulder of the person in front of us while they lead us to a maze. Once outside the maze we were guided in one at a time and placed by a rope that we held onto. Then some rules were explained to us, like we couldn't just go under ropes, or untie knots in the rope. If we came across an obstacle we were to reach around it for the rope on the other side. She also said that if we needed help all we had to do was raise our hand and they would show us the way out. This was repeated a couple of times. I caught on pretty quickly that all I needed to do was ask for help. Once they said we could start finding our way out, I did move around a short distance before I decided I just needed to raise my hand. The blindfold was taken off of me to reveal everyone moving in a circle. There was no maze. The point of the activity was to show that it is okay to ask for help. Braeden asked for help shortly after I did. Wes, however, upon realizing we were out of the maze asked us for help to get out. Men are a little more stubborn when it comes to asking for help. He eventually did realize what he needed to do and got out.
After the low ropes course it was lunch time, then camp photo time. I don't know if we will get to see the camp photo or not but I haven't received anything yet. The next activity was pumpkin carving for Braeden. He carved this pumpkin which he called Sunshine for Ambrosia.
The next low ropes course was a maze. They made us all get blindfolded this time and put our hands on the shoulder of the person in front of us while they lead us to a maze. Once outside the maze we were guided in one at a time and placed by a rope that we held onto. Then some rules were explained to us, like we couldn't just go under ropes, or untie knots in the rope. If we came across an obstacle we were to reach around it for the rope on the other side. She also said that if we needed help all we had to do was raise our hand and they would show us the way out. This was repeated a couple of times. I caught on pretty quickly that all I needed to do was ask for help. Once they said we could start finding our way out, I did move around a short distance before I decided I just needed to raise my hand. The blindfold was taken off of me to reveal everyone moving in a circle. There was no maze. The point of the activity was to show that it is okay to ask for help. Braeden asked for help shortly after I did. Wes, however, upon realizing we were out of the maze asked us for help to get out. Men are a little more stubborn when it comes to asking for help. He eventually did realize what he needed to do and got out.
After the low ropes course it was lunch time, then camp photo time. I don't know if we will get to see the camp photo or not but I haven't received anything yet. The next activity was pumpkin carving for Braeden. He carved this pumpkin which he called Sunshine for Ambrosia.
The adults did an activity called the Anger Wall. We sat and talked about what made us angry about our losses. We then drew or wrote on a big paper what made us angry. My paper said Lack of awareness and funding for childhood cancer research and had a gold awareness ribbon on it. After everyone was done, the papers were taped up on a wall. We then lined up behind balls of clay. There were people drumming behind us and we counted down. Then with all our might we threw those clay balls at the papers to rip them to shreds. I did it twice. There were some pretty emotional responses in the room. I cried and realized that the anger wall was just making me more angry. I got some of it out, but the need for funding and research is so big that it makes me angry that it's an issue at all. If there was more funding and research Ambrosia might still be alive today. And that makes me angriest of all, that nothing much has been done or is still being done to correct the problem. There are those of us that are trying but we need more support. And support from people that aren't affected by this on a personal level to get involved. Sometimes I feel like only those of us who have been affected are the ones trying to get the change, but we need everyone to be involved to fight for change.
After the Anger Wall, the adults had some free time. Wes and I decided to do the pillow project that Braeden had already done. Here are our pillows:
After the Anger Wall, the adults had some free time. Wes and I decided to do the pillow project that Braeden had already done. Here are our pillows:
I was glad we were able to do the pillows, as it is one more thing to help us remember Ambrosia. While we were making our pillows, Braeden was at the Anger Wall. Ruthie said he did great. He wrote on his paper that he was angry his sister died. He was angry that mommy and daddy were sad and he didn't know how to help. I know he wrote down one other thing but I can't remember what Ruthie said he wrote. I was impressed that he was able to express himself. Ruthie said he had very good aim and hit his paper every time he threw one of the clay balls.
Later that night, we had a Burden Basket ceremony. They had a campfire set up and some drums to play. It was explained to us that Native Americans used to set up baskets outside of their dwellings and when they'd come back from battle or hunting etc., they would leave their burdens outside in the basket so they wouldn't bring them inside their house. So we were to write our burdens on a paper and place them in a basket which would then be tossed into the fire. Once we did that, we sang the song that was written for Camp Evergreen. Here are some pictures from the ceremony.
Later that night, we had a Burden Basket ceremony. They had a campfire set up and some drums to play. It was explained to us that Native Americans used to set up baskets outside of their dwellings and when they'd come back from battle or hunting etc., they would leave their burdens outside in the basket so they wouldn't bring them inside their house. So we were to write our burdens on a paper and place them in a basket which would then be tossed into the fire. Once we did that, we sang the song that was written for Camp Evergreen. Here are some pictures from the ceremony.
Next came the Pajama party! We all went back to our rooms to change into our pajamas for the party. Once we were all back together, we had a good laugh at some of our pajamas and slippers that were worn. The next thing was games. One of the first contests was a bubble gum blowing contest. Wes didn't participate, but asked for gum and during the rest of the party kept attempting to blow a huge bubble. I got a picture after one burst.
They had a few other contests that we were able to watch, but Braeden soon began to get sleepy and we took him back to our room to sleep.
Sunday was our last day at camp. We woke up and packed all our belongings back to the car. After breakfast, we split into our groups again. Each group wrote things they needed people in the other group to know. For example, it's okay to cry, etc. in regards to our loss. Once we completed that, all the groups came together and shared what we wrote so we would all be on the same page. Once again I was impressed with Braeden and what he had written. Some of the things he wrote down:
I am sometimes sad because my sister died.
I like to talk about my sister.
I'm confused about why my sister died.
It helps when you talk to me about my sister.
But sometimes I don't want to talk, I just want to go outside and play.
I want to make you feel better when you are sad by sharing my collection of rocks!
I am sad about the house.
I want you to know that I am mostly happy.
Those are only a handful of the things he wrote. I was so glad that he was able to express himself at camp about Ambrosia because he rarely does it with myself or Wes. The next thing the camp did was plant an Evergreen tree in memory of our loved ones that we lost. We gathered inside and wrote on a tissue paper our hopes for the future. This was then attached to a string that would be wrapped around the tree and would stay there until it became a part of the earth. There was a ceremony where all the names of who we lost were read along with those of us who were in attendance. Then we all got to put some dirt around the tree to help plant it. We then sang the Camp Evergreen song. I couldn't sing as I was too emotional.
After the tree ceremony we had a little bit of free time. Someone had brought some cornhole games and Braeden wanted to play them on almost every break we had.
I am sometimes sad because my sister died.
I like to talk about my sister.
I'm confused about why my sister died.
It helps when you talk to me about my sister.
But sometimes I don't want to talk, I just want to go outside and play.
I want to make you feel better when you are sad by sharing my collection of rocks!
I am sad about the house.
I want you to know that I am mostly happy.
Those are only a handful of the things he wrote. I was so glad that he was able to express himself at camp about Ambrosia because he rarely does it with myself or Wes. The next thing the camp did was plant an Evergreen tree in memory of our loved ones that we lost. We gathered inside and wrote on a tissue paper our hopes for the future. This was then attached to a string that would be wrapped around the tree and would stay there until it became a part of the earth. There was a ceremony where all the names of who we lost were read along with those of us who were in attendance. Then we all got to put some dirt around the tree to help plant it. We then sang the Camp Evergreen song. I couldn't sing as I was too emotional.
After the tree ceremony we had a little bit of free time. Someone had brought some cornhole games and Braeden wanted to play them on almost every break we had.
The next part of our day was lunch and then a ceremony where we received certificates for attending camp. They also gave us Camp Evergreen water bottles filled with goodies. Then we all trekked back up to the healing space and gathered our loved ones belongings and said our goodbyes. Lots of hugs and tears all around. All in all it was a good experience and I am glad we went. I will leave you with a picture of the Evergreen tree that was planted and a family picture.
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